The Lies WE Tell

This past weekend I was reading one of my various magazines that come to my house each month (Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Vogue, LittleGus has a Fashion Magazine addiction, etc) and I came across an article that I found very interesting, and a bit entertaining. It was entitled "The Lies Men Tell"--and it was written by a man. As I read more, I found it hilarious. It was written with such a matter-of-fact nature, like it's normal or even acceptable that these common lies pour out of men's mouth like verbal diarrhea. This article got me thinking about the lies that come out of women's mouths as well. There are things we indeed lie to our significant others about in order to spare their feelings, save a conversation from getting too intense, or...just because we have a little bit of verbal outpouring of our own. So, to the men out there-- here are the lies WE tell.

1. "Size doesn't matter." Trust me, it does. The term "it's not the size that counts but how you use it" was most likely coined by a man who was probably ashamed of his very small parts. Gentleman...yes, size matters. Be logical.

2. "I LOVE your mom"! Odds are, we don't. We can sense that she will never think we are good enough for you, and we can also sense that we'll never quite measure up to her in your eyes. We may like her, but we have a sense that she's constantly "judging".

3. "You're the best I've ever had!" Strictly speaking in regards to actual number of orgasms, you may not be ranked numero uno. But who counts anyway?

4. "I've only slept with ______ amount of people." Add a few numbers to that list. Then, if we really love you, you should add a few more.

5. "Oh I've never done that!" Odds are we have done it at least once, or we've thought about doing it.

6. "I've never felt this way about anybody before"... We have. We've probably said that to each guy we've ever "fell" for. Everything feels the same in the beginning of a relationship.

7. "I've never (kissed, done this, gone home with) a stranger before!" Sure we have, we just don't want you to think we're a slut.

8. "I'm not looking for a relationship". We are. We either don't think you are good enough, or we think you don't want one and we don't want to appear needy.

9. "I got them on sale". No we didn't. We spent half our rent money on them, but we just don't want you to know that.

So, women tell little white lies as well. Just like men, we have a certain way we'd like to look and be portrayed, and certain facts from our lives just don't paint that picture. As for the important stuff---if we love you, and I mean really love you-- you'll know what's truth and what's not. And if there's love, it shouldn't matter anyway. Believe me?

Tis' the Season

I was always told about this "season". I was told it would approach in my mid-twenties (which, despite my incredibly young boyfriend, I am currently in) and that it would hit like a freight train. Yes, the joys of the long awaited wedding season.

I was told that each friend would start dropping like flies and falling victim to this beloved sacrament. Wait, don't get me wrong, marriage seems like an amazing thing and I can't wait to do it one day---but, do they all have to plan these things around the same time?

This past weekend, two very good friends from high school got engaged. I am so happy for them! Overjoyed! Ecstatic!

However, it starts to sink in that they will probably be just two of many, and this means not only dresses and gifts-- but flights back East. And I'm sure they'll all plan these weddings close enough to where I'll go bankrupt, and far enough apart to where I'll have to plan separate trips to CT.

I should have started saving when I was a young girl, when the first wise person told me it would all start happening like this. I should have set aside a "friends wedding" fund so that I would be prepared. But, I didn't. Now, it's panic time.

However, maybe after they read this blog I won't have to worry about it, because my invitation will get mysteriously "lost" in the mail....

I'm really over the moon for both of you, I swear. Hugs and Kisses, and I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Death to Cupid

OK, so this title seems harsh. But I've been thinking about how this little diapered devil has screwed me over so many times--- and now, I'm fighting back. Mr. Cupid has decided to play various jokes on me in the past, like making me fall for commitment phobes, mama's boys, alcoholics, and the occasional "man without a soul". But this time, he's gone too far--he's made me fall for someone who's perfect.
Cupid took his bow and arrow and decided to have a little bit more fun with poor Little Gus. He fired that deadly weapon in the direction of not only Mr. Perfect, but Mr. 5 years my junior, and Mr. "Leaving for the Navy".

Being the eager little adventurer that I am, I decided to have a little "fling" with this gentleman at first. He was younger than me after all, so I figured all the balls would be in my court (literally). The sense of power consumed me, and I loved the fact that maybe, after being in the passenger seat during all my past relationships, I would finally be the one driving. I figured we'd have nothing in common but a physical attraction, and then he'd leave for boot camp and we'd miss nothing about each other but an occasional drunken romp, and our lives would move on separately.

However, in comes that little diapered bastard with his cleaver sense of humor and apparent hatred towards me. Cupid said to himself, "hehe, not only will I make them attracted to each other, but their relationship become so much more than either of them ever thought it would, and then he'll have to leave her."

And, that's just what he did.

This "graduate-esque" relationship ended up turning into something so special, I never could have predicted it. Quick phone texts turned into hour long phone conversations, random get-togethers turned into almost every day togetherness, routine trips to the store with him turned into laughter fests that I never wanted to end, and a seemingly simple physical relationship turned into complete companionship, mentally and physically.

And then, last night, he had to leave for boot camp in Chicago for 8 weeks, then Pensacola Florida for 16 weeks. (For those of you who don't know it, I live neither in Chicago or Pensacola).

Thanks Cupid. He gives me everything I have ever wanted in a man, but wraps him up in a youngin' (which lets many people say very colorful words about me, I'm sure) and someone who is starting off his life, many miles away. I guess maybe the worst part about it is that he reciprocates these feelings, and wants to be with me. He thinks there is no one more wonderful than me (neurosis and all) and says he's more than willing to put in the difficult hours now, in order to reap the benefits later.

Now I'm guessing those "cup is half full" type people will tell me that I should be thanking Cupid--- that I am lucky that I've met someone wonderful, and that not everything is easy in life and I should just take a "leap of faith" (as my young Seaman tells me to do). Should I take that route? My gut instinct is telling me that I should, but I can't help but feel a little bit of animosity and skepticism towards the whole situation.

I'd be open to any sort of advice out there (except from you, Cupid) on what I should do. Not that I'll listen to anyone but myself in the end, but I'd love to know what someone else would do in this situation. Is it really logical in the year 2008 to "follow your heart" and trust the man with the diaper, bow and arrow, and wings? Can things really work out sometimes, despite the level of difficulty? Or, do I tell Cupid to go to hell and point that arrow elsewhere, and get myself as far away from this situation as possible?

At least I can say, without any hesitation, that life is never boring.