It's a Big World

Little Gus, Big World... that sums up me, in a nutshell.

This is my first "official" blog posting. Since I am trying to break out into the world of writing, maybe even get published one day (College Lit Magazine's are great for bragging, but don't really count) I figured I'd start a blog that everyone can read and comment on. Since I've been known to many people as "Little Gus" for quite some time now, I think I'll stick to that alias. Is anyone going to find what I say important or interesting? My fingers are crossed....

What a big world. I left Connecticut behind almost 8 months ago, because I thought the world was "too small".(Although I am an LA Native, my father moved me and my family to the freezing tundra of Connecticut about 15 years ago, and I just recently moved back). Now, I'm feeling like the world is too big. I'm like the Goldilocks of geography. I've been finding that so many things are beyond my control, and I stress myself out way too much trying to make them be so. That, makes the world big to me. Sometimes you can't control what happens to you, and sometimes there is such a thing as "wrong place wrong time." I'm finding that California has the sunshine and freedom I had been craving, but who knew that this big fish would miss her small pond, and the other big fish who inhabited that pond with her.

It is human nature that you always want what you can't have. If you're here, you'd rather be there, and if you're there, you'd rather be back here again. If your hair is curly, you'd rather it be straight, if you're tall, you wish you were short, and if you're cold, you'd much rather be hot. I guess I'll be totally unoriginal, and say I miss my little pond.

Out here in CA, I've realized that I can't control how many friends I have. I can't make people like me, or explain to people that I'm only slightly neurotic on the surface but there's goodness inside. I can't stop my mom from missing the love of her life. I can't keep my family from fighting with each other. I can't keep myself out of trouble, because it seems to find me. I can't cure my little brother's stress, or raise enough money for him to float through college. I have no control over babies being born to unfit parents, poverty in Africa, or children being mean to each other on the playground. I can't make my Dad come back from the dead simply because I need him to do my taxes or remind me to change the oil in my car.

What's a little gus like me to do? I'd be open to suggestions, as long as they do not involve the words "suck it up" or "make up your mind already". I hope everyone enjoys the blog.